WEDNESDAY, JULY 31
I hardly slept so it didn’t really matter that we were up at 6am. I am freaking out about returning to Vancouver, thinking about all the things I have to do to make our transition as smooth as possible. Among my biggest concerns is all the insurances that have to be switched over. Soon it will be difficult for me to communicate with anyone, let alone the insurance companies, because we will be back at Fiona’s with spotty internet service.
Mostly I am concerned about going back to a city that has never completely supported me, where I still don’t have strong contacts, or friendships. Where my best friend, Nicolle, is no more. Each day Chloe says at least three times that she isn’t looking forward to going back to Fiona’s and that she is dreading returning to Vancouver. What has happened to us?
We’ve changed. Something has shifted. A clarity about the lack of affection for the home we left, but also an uncertainty about how that will impact the future. On the bus ride we talked little, but when we did talk it was about what’s next? What is next? Maybe Chloe will take a day trip to Dublin to see if the agency there would be interested in signing her if she promises to stay a while. Maybe she will get back in touch with Boom in Milan. She is sure that they would take her back and she said, at least I could live in Europe.
I told Chloe that if she wanted to just stay, I would work it out. It won’t be easy but I will do it and we can simply use the momentum we already have. But Chloe is more reasonable, and said we needed to go home now, at least for a while. The trick will be working it out from there.
When I told Joanna that I was uneasy about returning to West Cork, she wrote “..but you love Ireland.” On the bus ride, I was reminded that, in fact, I do love Ireland. Though the transition from Northern Ireland to the Republic is without any markers –the farmlands look the same, there are no border checks — as soon as we arrived in Dublin, the Belfast heaviness lifted. People in Dublin are lively and spirited. The city is vibrant. Rowers are on the river, bikers in the bike lanes, pedestrians buzzing around the sidewalks and streets. The architecture is varied, interesting, and metal and glass structures mingled with brick and painted stucco.
I love Dublin and the small colorful towns that we passed through en route to Cork, but it is the countryside that feeds my soul. The greens here — and I know I wrote extensively about them when we were here before — are sumptuous, regenerative, life-giving and lush. It’s a joy just to look out the window.
It will be interesting to see what happens when we return to Fiona’s, to a place we know. Chloe didn’t have the usual “new place” anxiety when we got to Cork. This could be a precursor to a future, less stressed but slightly boring. We have been over stimulated for a year. Well, eleven months to be exact. What’s next?
